Twist and turn
In a rhythm
Only we know
Only we hear.
Truth is behind
Your hidden smile
In my dreams
Wake me up
Devote your soul
Let me see
What crawls inside
Peace and Love,
Floating away in the clouds above
Between the sun and moon
I dream of tomorrow
Where we’re destined to
Exist in the presence of
All of creation
When darkness falls
Universe is no more
Light years from here
You will be at peace
Resting in space.
Peace and Love,
The connection and understanding between two people can only ever be known by those two persons. I have contemplated over the memories and shared moments between two people, what happens to them over time? What happens if one passes away, do the memories die with them? What happens if one loses the memory? Where do they go? Do the memories even make sense to anyone else but to the people sharing them? Is that the reason why we would want to create art and creations to capture the soul of the people around us? To honour the connections between souls. I don’t know. I just know that I cherish each moment with every single soul in my life that I share a pure connection with, and I hope that we are able to hold on to the memories the day they’re only left with one soul.
What is giving us meaning in our lives? Is it the strive for a career, near and dear ones, children or something beyond that, a faith or religion? Why is it so difficult to find the meaning and why does it matter to us so much? It’s a question that always keeps coming back to me. I contemplate on it and meditate on it but still come up with different answers each time. At times it can be hard to find the meaning when you feel down and depressed without light in sight. It’s funny how it can either be hormones playing a game with our brain or thoughts spiral in circles. Either way, it’s super difficult to do anything else than to rest, sleep and try to be kind to yourself and hope the day after is better. Those days it’s hard to find the meaning of life, why we are here on this earth. Music helps some days. At least to get the emotions out of the system. Some tracks make you feel so many emotions that it’s best to just listen to what your body and soul is trying to tell you. Through the music.
I have pasted some links to some tracks that always have an impact on me. The last one is a Swedish song, which is a remake of a song from a musical from 1995, Kristina från Duvemåla (which I obviously haven’t seen since it was before my time). Haven’t seen the musical but the song spoke to me. It’s called “Du måste finnas”, which means you must exist or you must be real. For me it represents a belief in something spiritual, something higher than us, something universal. A God, perhaps. Whatever you may call it. I don’t listen to a lot of Swedish tracks these days, I used to do it more during my teenage years. This song is a song about belief and faith for me, something you might need to remind yourself of when times are rough or you have doubts that you can make it through trying times.
Three books I’m trying to read these days are: “Mindful way out of depression”, “A new earth” by Eckhart Tolle, and “The Untethered soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself” by Michael Singer. The last one is a really great one which anyone should try to read, over and over, you find new things to focus on each time. I received it from a dear friend in India. It’s a highly spiritual book and will really take you on a journey within yourself, explore the vast divine within yourself.
Howard Shore ft Enya – May it Be (link to Spotify, if it doesn’t work, search for it on Youtube)
Hans Zimmer – Time
Yiruma – River Flows in You
Du måste finnas – Newkid (lyrics in English here)
This morning I chose to meditate on healing my inner child. I had found a fitting meditation more than a year ago on Youtube and added it to my meditation playlist but I hadn’t had the right feeling to want to listen to it. Today was the day. Something pulled me in and made me click on it today. I was uncomfortable at first, because I didn’t know what was awaiting. The need for control in the situation tried to pull me in and hinder me from going ahead, but I pulled through. I took a deep breath and lay down. It was 6:15am and I had willingly gone up early during these times despite not needing to. I feel as though waking up early really makes you want to care for your inner self and take things slowly in the morning. Before everything is about work and must-dos. You can just listen inwards and take a while to meditate and have a slow breakfast in silence. Before the world wakes up.
While I was meditating there was a section where I was introduced to my 3-year old self. I met her in the corridors inside a giant mountain in a peaceful world. She looked up at me and wanted me to hold her. Lift her up and comfort her. Tell her that everything is going to be alright. It was as if a very sensitive button had been pushed right at that moment, because my tears started to flow and I found myself crying and finding the whole situation incredibly sad and the built up emotions boiled over. I struggled my way back to the present and the breathing techniques to get back to meditation. I find that this type of meditation seem to have this impact because I need to heal this side of myself, I need to focus more attention on my childlike self. Don’t forget her. Comfort her. Get to know her needs.
Peace and Love,
When I look up at the sky in the evening darkness I can still see the moon and the stars, despite the amount of air pollution contaminating the air. The breezy air flowing through my hair as I walk down the beach is captivating my senses. I don’t want to turn back. I want to just stay in this moment, where I can just be, me. Utterly grateful for the life I live and the people I have in my life who means the world to me. When you’re one moment away from losing your place on this earth you become very aware of what drives you in life and who you want to keep close. The near-death experiences can really remind you what is in front of you and important and what you need to let go of. What is no longer serving you. Who do you want to hug extra tightly? If today was my last day, would I be happy with the life I am leading? Have I told you how much you mean to me?
To be continued…
Peace and love,
PS. I write small pieces of writing when the inspiration strikes me throughout this trip to Mumbai, India. Follow this every day to see a new post, there is always something on my mind to let out in to the world.
My roots have long been malnourished and fragile, protected against outer influence. I have found my way back to watering them and slowly but surely they are growing stronger and establishing ground in places I never could have imagined. The journey to getting here has been long and lonely. When the tree is starting to blossom, not many would know the effort and pain it took to grow the tree so fertile so that flowers can bloom. The result can be intimidating just like inner growth. I didn’t realise what I have been missing in my life; a sense of belonging. I have always stood out and been the rebel for so long, that it becomes your identity. It becomes what you expect because there is no room for just being you. When you find your way back to your roots, you’ll never look back again. I wish I could have told this to my confused and suicidal teenage self. Things wouldn’t have had to be this hard.
To be continued…
Peace and love,
Remembering the last moments
The tears of sadness
Trusting the path
Of our destiny
Shy invisible stars
Leading us to our fate
One night at a time
Until one day
When years have passed us by
We’re too old to remember.
The darkness has fallen
No light in sight can be found
I stumble and fall
Looking all over for your face
Would guide me right
Besides the full moon light
Underneath this dark blue sky
In a country far far away.
Peace and Love,
I came across this term a few months back, perhaps 6 months ago and I’ve spent some time processing it in the back of my head ever since. TCK or CCK. Third culture kid or cross culture kid.
Third culture kids (TCK) are people raised in a culture other than their parents’ or the culture of the country named on their passport (where they are legally considered native) for a significant part of their early development years. They are often exposed to a greater variety of cultural influences. The term can refer to both adults and children, as the term “kid” points more to an individual’s formative or developmental years.
Due to the multi cultural upbringing of these people they grow up feeling in between cultures and always longing for some global surrounding where they can feel at home. That’s the theme for me at least; you never or rarely feel at home because of this endless rootlessness and cultural instability. You might feel some issues with bonding with people that are in the “home” culture due to this mixture of cultures that you’ve grown up with.
The classic scenario are the people who have had parents that due to their job or similar situations needed to move to different countries very often throughout their childhood. This leads to the mixed cultural feeling but also a sense of openness towards people of all kinds of backgrounds, because that’s what you have grown up with and gotten used to. Another classic outcome of this type of upbringing is that you always feel more at home when you’re on your way to somewhere else. Perhaps travelling would be a huge interest or hobby.
There was one description of why this phenomenon occurs for some children and why they cannot let it go when they’re adults. It’s a void in the heart that is hard to fill. The child might not get a proper chance to say goodbye to one culture and/or country and move on to live in another, you won’t know which one to adapt to and you continue living in confusion.
When reading about this and hearing different TED talks about this topic something finally clicked for me. I felt understood for the first time in ages. Understood for my rootlessness and why I don’t necessarily feel at home anywhere unless I’m travelling or headed somewhere with a more international environment. Some may call it to escape your everyday life, but for me I just can’t imagine being in one place for long. It’s as if I have an inner voice telling me to get up and move, get new perspectives and vibes from new places and dimensions. This doesn’t necessarily mean a physical place. I can feel better by just spending a long while daydreaming about being somewhere else and building stories in my head. I am a Pisces after all.
What’s your experience with being a TCK or CCK? Do you have any similar experiences?
Peace and love,
The flight is due to land at Indira Gandhi airport of New Delhi and the plane is travelling across the large city, passing through the thick layer of clouds, smog and pollution. When the plane is close to landing, the whole large metal cylinder is filled with a familiar smell or scent of India, something that others might find repulsive. But to me it’s filled with memories, emotions and a touch of belonging. Tears are filled up in my eyes when the plane hits the ground. I’m home. Once again.
The hotel we stayed at isn’t worth mentioning due to the overall experience wasn’t all too well, but there were some highlights of the service level and staff that is worth mentioning. The two nights in Delhi were a good touch-down base before our onward departuring to Punjab. You get a moment of acclimatising to the Indian climate, food and the senses get hightened.
I have been writing a lot through the years about belonging and identity since it has always been a struggle for me, being born in Sweden and having roots from such a colourful culture that is India. The clash between these two extreme worlds has been both a blessing and a curse, since it has opened me up to so much inner personal development I never would have been striving for if it weren’t for being torn in two directions. I have previously written about being a TCK in a world of being around people that have almost no other mixed background, which makes you feel different and strange from time to time. When I during the recent years found myself searching more inwards in my own identity crisis and started to accept that I am fine the way I am, both Swedish and Indian, I was able to grow strength to be able to tell my story. I felt for the first time that I was able to connect with other people that have a similar background, and my creativity became more heightened.
The last day at the Delhi hotel, we ate dinner in the restaurant at the hotel to be a bit more convenient and also to not have to rush around in Delhi traffic at that hour. No matter if we choose to or not, we eventually adapt to eating at Indian times, which is quite different than dining times in Sweden. Back home in Sweden one would eat dinner at 6-7 pm and lunch at 11-12 am. When we’re in India the dinner times are around 8-9pm and lunch around 1-2pm. I think it might be due to the fact that people go to work a little later on and leave later, which makes the whole day shift a few hours.
When we were dining at 8 pm at the hotel, the waiter asked us if we were from Sweden since he could see it in our booking. Obviously he could tell we had some sort of Indian (desi) background so he asked if we were here for the first time. I responded, no we’ve been here many times before since our background is from Punjab. He asked if we were born here or in Sweden, and this is where things would have been confusing if I were to trust my past experiences of being put in a box. His response to us being born in Sweden, was the sweetest I have received in India in a long time. He said, then you’re just as much Indian as you are Swedish and he smiled and giggled a bit. I agreed and he went on to talk to other guests in the restaurant. He probably didn’t know what that sentence meant to me, how much it meant that someone would acknowledge us as being part of this society and still be able to keep the other identity. He truly saw our Indian soul. We didn’t have to feel torn and puzzled between the two cultures. Not being forced to choose when someone asks us which one we consider our home, or which one we like the most. There can never be a clear answer to that question, I am always searching, and the more I search, the more questions I get.
The best part of being born in two cultures is the richness it gives to my life, to be able to live a life with both influences on a day to day basis. To be able to pick and choose (most of the times) what we like with each culture and keep those aspects in our life for the next generation. Coming to India annually means much more to me than can be put into words, it can never be explained, the emotions that run through my body when I land 7000 km away from Sweden. Despite being more restricted to do exactly what I want as a woman, to come and go at any hour, and having difficulties adapting to the lifestyle here; I still feel more alive and free. There’s a freedom and acceptance in the air in India one cannot find anywhere else. I might be biased, but that’s my truth.
Sat Sri Akal, Namaste, Peace and Love,