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Why do we Romanticise Suffering and Darkness
Artist, poets and creative professions. Everyone equally seduced by the suffering that entails by walking the creative path. We all look up to the tormented artists and emotional wrecks that talk of decadence and painful suffering through their art. Why do we view these bad habits as something to draw inspiration from rather than question them? Do our souls need to bleed to be able to create art? Is it required to suffer emotional traumas to be able to create good and enticing art? I would like to explore this a little more in detail. Let’s view both sides of this story and unfold it.
Everywhere around us we see the people immersed in the creative world to be in a whirlwind of suffering and pain that they don’t seem to be able to get out of. It almost looks as if the art is only to be created if there is pain in their lives or if they have gone through hardships. The art feeds off the pain and tears, or so it seems at least to the outsider. One can almost think that this art of chasing after pain is what is needed to be inspired to create good and interesting art. The poetry is almost best accompanied with a dose of depression and sadness. If you have some anti-depressant pills and alcohol you can throw them into the game as well, for good measure. Jokes aside, this is the reality for many highly successful artists. The poet is in his best form a sensitive and tormented soul that wants to end the pain by engaging in bad habits such as drinking and getting into drug addictions. Is this the stereotypical image we have of a good poet or artist? Anyone who has a passion for a creative subject will agree that this image is what is often looked up to as being real and deserving of praise when intelligent art is created as a result. I have long also lived with that belief myself, and can still, at times, romanticise a little bit of a pessimistic outlook and painful struggle in life. It’s what creates the spice in our poems and writing. We feed off of the inspiration that comes from an emotional hardship. However, is it truly the only right way towards creating art and finding inspiration?
I find that whenever I go through strong emotions I am usually not able to create anything creative in those moments. It usually requires me to get a little bit of perspective and distance from the situation or the emotions to be able to tap into that inspiration. Whether it is positive and happy emotions or tearful and sad emotions; I tend to approach it all the same. A little bit of distance creates the magic and what gives me inspiration.
Why are we letting ourselves be seduced by suffering and pain? Can we not try to tap into our love and strength and create from that power within ourselves?
It is possible to live a decent life when you’re not always on the verge of feeling suicidal to create beautiful art. We can inspire other people to follow this behaviour and be creative in new ways.
Peace and love,
Kimmi Sandhu
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An entry from my dream journal
April, 2019.
I was at an amusement park in a ride where a father is sitting with his daughter who is next to me. They are having a conversation in a language I think I understand. But when he talks I don’t really get it, only when the daughter replies in the cutest Hindi/Punjabi I can understand. So I ask the father what they speak, then he replies to me in Hindi. I explain that I don’t understand it so well, only when she talks. In the background of the dream music is playing, it’s Vivaldi with Four seasons, but it’s played in a very Indian way so I feel that it’s representing yoga and spiritual music in the dream. Then all of a sudden my sister and my cousin comes by and says they’ve hurt themselves somewhere while riding something in the park. But they leave just as fast as they come by. I still sit there with the girl and continues my conversation.
When I woke up, I realised that I’m that girl. Confused in between the western and Indian world.Kimmi Sandhu
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Beautiful Indian Music
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Poem: Soul Communication
Our souls communicate
What words cannot describe
Our auras can sense
What language can never obtainKimmi Sandhu
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Hopelessness
Mental health issues have been rising during these past few months. I have personally been feeling okay since I have tried to focus all my energy on work and taking the driver’s license. There are moments when I am alone and I think about everything around me, where I feel a sense of hopelessness for the world and everything around me and within me. I don’t always know how to shake the feeling. It doesn’t always help to numb the thoughts by hanging out with friends or postpone the thoughts to another day. There is always a tiny thought that is tapping on my shoulder, and wanting some space in my mind. I don’t allow it to enter, but then the thought become larger in the background, just so I would notice it.
If one has to fight to be able to keep some people in your life, is it really worth it? Why can’t we get to see the people that mean the most more often? What’s the point of living when you can’t even get that? You can’t be in all places at the same time, I have tried. I have split myself mentally in so many pieces and I am still not enough in any of the places. I just keep missing the pieces I’ve left behind. Where will we all meet finally? In death? Why do we take out time on this Earth for granted? I have so many questions and I never want to say them out loud because they might scare people, but I wanted to write this here to unload some of the burden I have been bearing.
A piece of me is always missing. Should I stop searching for it? Is it ever going to heal the wounds? Who knows. Not me in this moment.
Peace and Love,
Kimmi Sandhu -
Intensive Driving Course 2020 | Göteborg, Sweden
Driving. It’s a skill one must learn to really know what it means to be free. Completely free to travel anywhere and anytime. The journey towards taking the license in Sweden has been a long and bumpy road since 2012. I kept on pushing myself to overcome my struggles with eyesight after laser surgery to finally be on the final road to actually taking the license. It’s never going to be too late. There have been people in ages ranging from 18 to 55 in my classes. You learn about yourself and how you react to certain situations and stress while doing the intensive driving classes. Let’s dig deep into what it meant for me, especially to be back in my hometown Göteborg on the West coast of Sweden to drive everyday for two weeks. It’s not only been fun to drive, it’s been challenging, strengthening, exciting but also melancholic. Let get into why.
The driving school is close to where my parents live, it’s the same neighborhood I have grown up in and lived in up until I was 19. The classes started with a session where I was to show my current skills in driving so we started off at a parking lot and drove out onto the roads in the area. It went pretty fine from the get go. I only needed to adjust to a new car which I wasn’t used to drive in. A Volvo XC40, Diesel. Much easier to find the pull position and the different gears were also easier to adapt to. This is the car I will use on the day of my driving test, which is currently dated to 7th of September. If all goes well and I pass the other practical and theoretical tests I will go on and do the test in Sept.
When driving through every single street of where I grew up and close to each of my three first schools was more emotional and affecting me more than I had expected to. I only chose to drive with this school and this area because it’s convenient and close to home when I stay in Göteborg, little did I know that it was going to take me on a journey down the memories and feelings of the past. The further into the first week we got, the more we started to drive downtown and in areas I hadn’t been to in years, since I last lived in this city. We were joking about the fact that I am sightseeing by car in my own town and it was really a much nicer experience to drive this course than I could have ever imagined. I thought it would only be difficult and hard, but it’s been equally as rewarding for my mental health. Pushing myself when there have been some days when things started turning backwards and not going as I thought, how you learn to let go of mistakes you do while driving so it doesn’t affect the rest of the driving. The most impressive thing was how the driving instructor without knowing was able to know how I was struggling with letting go and putting way too high expectations on myself which were causing unnecessary hurdles that I needed to crush before I can succeed. He would sometimes just tell me when I went quiet and didn’t say a word, “just let go of that bad past experience, I can see that you’re going over it in your head and it will affect your driving, just let it go.”
It was amazing to see how someone is able to read me so well without knowing me.
Towards the end of the driving course there were just a couple of incidents where I wasn’t always able to think of all the different things at the same time. Driving into a highway where the roads are merging and I need to get into one of the lanes while there’s already traffic on the road and coming in with a speed of 70 km/h. I almost crashed into a car because everyone kept changing their lane at that spot and things were happening too fast at a very fast speed. I kept on being hard on myself after that and wasn’t able to let it go as fast as the other things, so I had to take a deep breath, keep driving and talk about other things to take my mind off it. He was telling me that I need to stop expecting myself to become a perfect driver and that I am putting these super ambitious expectations that no one can meet on myself. I felt as if he saw through so many of my past struggles that I have been through, not only in this situation but also when I study or work. I just needed to be more nice towards myself and what I have already accomplished. Every time he asked me how I felt it has gone today with the driving I was always critical over the tiniest things.
All in all, after two weeks my skills are on a level where I only need to drive more on my own at home for some weeks to let it all sink in. Hopefully I will get to the level which is required for a final practical test in the beginning of September. Let’s keep fingers crossed!
Peace and Love,
Kimmi Sandhu
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Driving License Journey | 2020 Update
I started out my journey to take my driver’s license for cars in 2012 with a driving school. I came to a good level to take the exam but I took a break to do my LASER eye surgery in Dec that year. Due to the many complications and scarring I didn’t have the vision to be able to practise driving anymore and it wasn’t possible to correct the problems with any glasses or contact lenses. I put the plans on taking the driver’s license on the side to focus on getting my vision back on track by doing several touch-up surgeries in the following years.
I restarted my journey to take the license by practicing privately last year and had aimed to take the license this year. The process of taking a license in Sweden is really good and a secure way of getting the license with the most regulations to make sure people really completely know the rules before they are allowed to drive. There are two theoretical parts, one risk assessment course and another theory exam for everything that you need to know regarding traffic rules etc. There’s another practical exam where you drive on a man-made slippery road for a few hours to test your ability to maneuver the car when you lose control due to ice or snow on the road. When you pass all these smaller tests, you will then go for the major practical driving test where you will show your skills. You either choose to drive with the car that the driving school has, and the one you’ve gotten used to drive or you can drive with a car they have at the test center. They prefer that you come with the driving school so that’s the option I have chosen. The driving school has to first pass you and consider your skills to match the expectations of passing an exam.
I am currently in the middle of an intensive 2 week course where I drive every day with my teacher and study the theory on the side. It’s actually going really well and I can feel that I am progressing more and more each day I take classes with my teacher. He’s a really good and very structured teacher and exactly what I was looking for in a teacher. I am taking my test and all classes in my home town, Gothenburg, Sweden. It’s the best decision I have made when it comes to taking my license, because all the streets are so much more familiar than any other city. I love this city more when I am now driving through my old neighborhoods and observing it from a whole new perspective. I can’t wait to get the license so I can drive wherever and whenever I want. I am looking forward to that level of freedom that a driver’s license can truly give you. You don’t know what you’re missing until you have it, kinda thing.
I will keep you posted here on my progress as it continues over the next couple of weeks. Catch me on Instagram @mskimmisandhu or @moon_over_mumbai (for poetry posts).
Peace and Love,
Kimmi Sandhu
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Poem: Drowning in your SOUL
Cold wind touches my face
It’s blowing through my hair
Speeding through the highways
Exceeding the limits when
You cloud my mind
Empty thoughts flash by
Darkness has fallen
Moments turn into hours
Avoiding every image of you
Imprinted in my brain
Drowning each reflection of you
With the sound of your songs
The tunes deafen me shortly
They capture each emotion
One tear at a time
Reaching a crossroad
Dreams or reality
Choose a pathway
Where you’ll belong
Part of my inner world
Killing the pain
With an alternate universe
Where our souls,
Become one.Peace and Love,
Kimmi Sandhu -
Sushant Singh Rajput Tribute
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Inner Child Healing
This morning I chose to meditate on healing my inner child. I had found a fitting meditation more than a year ago on Youtube and added it to my meditation playlist but I hadn’t had the right feeling to want to listen to it. Today was the day. Something pulled me in and made me click on it today. I was uncomfortable at first, because I didn’t know what was awaiting. The need for control in the situation tried to pull me in and hinder me from going ahead, but I pulled through. I took a deep breath and lay down. It was 6:15am and I had willingly gone up early during these times despite not needing to. I feel as though waking up early really makes you want to care for your inner self and take things slowly in the morning. Before everything is about work and must-dos. You can just listen inwards and take a while to meditate and have a slow breakfast in silence. Before the world wakes up.
While I was meditating there was a section where I was introduced to my 3-year old self. I met her in the corridors inside a giant mountain in a peaceful world. She looked up at me and wanted me to hold her. Lift her up and comfort her. Tell her that everything is going to be alright. It was as if a very sensitive button had been pushed right at that moment, because my tears started to flow and I found myself crying and finding the whole situation incredibly sad and the built up emotions boiled over. I struggled my way back to the present and the breathing techniques to get back to meditation. I find that this type of meditation seem to have this impact because I need to heal this side of myself, I need to focus more attention on my childlike self. Don’t forget her. Comfort her. Get to know her needs.
Peace and Love,
Kimmi Sandhu
Inner Child Guided Meditation