My door is not wide open
I just came came back from a Reiki session that went on for like 70 min. In the south of Stockholm there’s a place called Crea Diem which I found online in a spontaneous whim. I think my body knew that I needed this today. It was my birthday yesterday and every year has its ups and downs. All emotions were enhanced when I woke up this morning after. I always carry around a huge sorrow and melancholy in my chest which is hard to describe, and I guess I am not sure why either. Sometimes I think it’s just the combination of being a scattered Pisces with Libra moon. The struggle of the two fishes swimming in opposite directions for as long as I can remember.
The Reiki healing itself was exactly what I needed today to balance myself on these emotional days. After the session I was talking to the guy who performed the healing, and he was telling me what I should think about so I don’t get so low and all in my head with these thoughts and feelings. I didn’t need to tell him about my pain, it was visible in my heart. I should stop listening to what everyone else thinks and feels about my life and start tuning inwards and listen to what I want, because that is the hardest thing for me. I always get lost on the way of listening to other people who don’t even know the half of my inner true voice. Can you really expect anyone to ever know you completely? One thing I have noticed though is that the few people who have given me Reiki healing have always gotten to know my inner struggle and what I’m battling with constantly. It’s amazing how you can hide some things from everyone subconsciously but not at all from the ones who have practiced with the energy. He has my respect. The Reiki master. ??
When the pain in your heart is slowly dissolving and trying to go away, it doesn’t go quietly. Tears are needed to flush away all the pain and suffering from all the accumulated years. I already feel a little lighter today.
Peace and love,
Memories – Known or Forgotten
Jag måste få skriva ner lite tankar som dök upp medans Jonas Hassan Khemiri nämnde en sak på TV. Om en människa är vilsen eller förlorad, och inte har så många minnen kvar, skulle det synas på en kroppsscanning? Existerar minnen endast i min hjärna eller delar man minnen på en annan dimensionen med den man skapade minnena med? Om den person man skapat minnen med, inte existerar längre, försvinner även de minnena eftersom man är ensam om de nu?
/ Kimmi Madeline
Always Follow Through
Work hard in silence, let success make the noise. – Frank Ocean
This is my motto these days. I have come to realise it’s sometimes better to keep quiet about all your plans than to blurt them out to everyone as soon as you thought of them. This has been a tough practice for me and it’s been difficult because I have done the opposite in so many areas and it’s still a daily struggle. I find that it’s better to wait for a while, let the thoughts remain yours and let them mature and then let people in your surroundings know when things are more clear and you have a good sense of direction. I have told people about my plans for writing a book, opening a café and my change of profession way too many times, in vain. Because they stop listening after a while. It’s now just become noise because you’ve been there before, you’ve said those words before. Let your actions speak for themselves instead. That’s what I’m working on these days, and that’s what is inspiring me the most.
– How is the business going?
– It’s going real well, I’m progressing and I enjoy the process.
That is it. That is all that will be coming through my mouth regarding my business during the coming months, until I feel I have reached a step in my goal, and I want to share it with the world. Until then, I will keep my eyes on the goal and not look back.
I don’t believe in regrets and I never have. I try to live in the present and plan some things ahead, but not too far into the future. I do however believe in reflecting over past mistakes, and past experiences, and I as a Piscean can many times get stuck in thoughts of the past. Not to dwell, but to figure out my way forward based on my past. My past is always teaching me a lot about my current situation and how I will go about to make the choices that I need to make in order to get to where I want to be.
Song for this blog post: Darren Hayes – Where You Want to Be
Janmpatri – Indian Horoscope
There’s an old tradition in India to look up the horoscope and analyse a newborn’s star sign to predict major happenings in his/her life. Despite being born in quite a modern Indian family, and being born in Sweden, I still received an analyse of my future life which is called a “Janmpatri”. It’s a booklet which is consisting of a lot of astrology readings. This might seem odd and quite frankly a bit dreamy, but it’s very common.
My booklet is written in Hindi so I can’t unfortunately read it myself without the help of my parents. I know of some of the incidents which are written in my booklet that should have already happened. The funny thing is that they’re usually very precise of when the happenings will occur. I got a little brother at the age of 8 after many years of waiting. That was written in the astrology booklet amongst other things. The age of when I’d get married and about boyfriends and how they’d be.
Being a Piscean I’ve always been interested in astrology and spiritual topics. I’ve always been a seeker looking for answers in my life. Why do some things happen? What are we here on Earth to do? What is the meaning of life? I asked these questions very early on in my teens and could lie awake at night just pondering on these life topics. I think it’s one of the things that has driven me to be more keen to always be open to new knowledge. It’s helped me tons.
One lady once did a tarot reading for me and unfortunately she thought I was already above 18 and at the time I was actually 16. I remember that her reading up until the age of 16 made a lot of sense, and it gave hints to what I had already been through. But when I continued reading it didn’t make a lot of sense anymore to me, it seemed to be wrong or something. I remember going back to her to let her know that I was 16 and I thought she might have mixed up my age.
The interesting part here is that I kept that letter with the tarot interpretation and left it for a few years before I accidentally saw it again after I was over 20. I was amazed and shocked at the same time. Those things, she had described happening around the age of 16-20, they had all come true, in one way or another.
One could argue that it was all in my sub-conscious but it only works for an extent, not the whole list of things. There were people I had met, people who’d hurt me and my mental state of mind – all of the things that I had no real control over (not that I was aware at least). I found it truly interesting that sometimes fate decides the path, if you only let it and you just keep moving forward.
When December ends…
My new favourite song to listen to!
Lyrics to this amazing track called December from the new Assemblage 23 album ‘Endure’:
In the passing light,
Silent and alone
Trying to make sense,
A fate now set in stone
There’s never enough time
Somehow it isn’t fair
Sprinting towards the finish,
Running out of air
When December ends
When December ends,
At last, you will be free
Unbound from earthly plight,
Unfettered by disease
When December ends,
The pain disappears
Worries all behind you
No more suffering or fear
Everyday is pain
A dull narcotic haze
Brief moments of awareness
Losing track of days
The world seems so dim
As faculties decline
Your body, just a prison,
To trap your mind inside
When the moment came
A tear fell from your eye
Your senses overwhelmed
A beauty undefied
Weightless and complete
Some sense of ease
May your spirit carry on,
As the wind shakes the trees
When December ends…
When I get older, year by year, I am afraid that I am slowly but surely losing my innocence. The kind of innocence we all have when we just believe how things are always working out for the best. I am afraid at times that some sort of cynical or bitter side, would take over and take away my innocence. I find that it’s important to stay true and always remind ourselves how we have once felt, to be able to stay youthful in our minds. It’s not about being naive – it’s about thinking everything is possible and staying positive. Innocence is blissful. The feeling of having the world in your hands and not be afraid to take a step towards it each day. Not be afraid of everything that is coming directly from your heart. You need to stay in contact with your soul and your heart’s desire. That’s how you can keep your innocence in the most purest way.
Return to Innocence. Enigma.
I have always been a very reflective person who needs to slow down my everyday life to just think and meditate to be at peace. If I don’t get to have a moment to myself and have my space to reflect I feel uneasy and get anxiety very easily. It’s easy to just get caught in the daily chaos and forget to wind down and just take a deep breathe. I always get to remind myself of what is really important when I’m travelling or get a moment like that totally alone. Alone, yet surrounded by people all around me. Everyone in the same situation. So next time you’re travelling, plan ahead, find a special tune or song to listen to and just listen inwards. Take a deep breathe and just relax. Think about your blessings and count them. Think about the people you love and how much they mean to you. I like to daydream a lot (hello, I’m a Pisces) so I take the moment to think about nice memories or nice future memories that I’d like to come true. Thinking about how to achieve my dreams. All while having that special song in your headphones.
My airplane music is called Endless Skies by my favourite band in the whole world, VNV Nation.
That song is not a very typical representation of their sound, they’re more towards the industrial synth sound.
Let’s listen to this now, meditate and reflect on life:
What’s your airplane music?
Peace and Love,
Documentaries I Loved Watching
During the recent couple of months I have watched quite a few documentaries that were all worth watching. I have listed them all so anyone who is interested in learning more about the world we live in, is able to just pick one from this list. I only try to watch films or documentaries that are teaching me something new, or makes me think and reflect. From time to time I still watch commercial films or series only for entertainment, but mostly I enjoy getting some sort of intellectual satisfaction from what I’ve watched. Whether it may be an art film that is based off a true story or if it’s a documentary teaching us about our society. So without further ado, here is my list of nine documentaries all worth watching. I have graded them with stars for you to easier see which ones I recommend the most.
- True Cost *****
- GMO OMG ***/****
- Food Matters *****
- Cowspiracy *****
- Forks over Knives *****
- Living on One Dollar *****
- Blood brother *****
- Fat, Sick and nearly Dead ****
- Supersize me ****
Some comments for each item in the list:
- A must-watch for anyone interested in what goes on behind the fast fashion market; everything from the textile workers to the production of the textile material that is used in the textile industry. It’s harsh, raw and very true – just watch it. You might never want to support all the big fast fashion brands just after watching this. Check out Fashion Revolution online in case you’re more interested after seeing this.
- I couldn’t totally decide whether to give this a full 4 star because of the first half of the documentary. I thought the guy who is making this documentary seemed to be against GMO just because he felt like it, and that he THOUGHT it was bad for you. It annoyed me that he based the first half of the documentary only on emotions of himself and his children. Why does his children have to be involved? If you still get passed that mark and continue watching, it gets more interesting and more data is brought up to surface.
- Despite being a few years old, this documentary was totally amazing. I sat glued in front of the television/Netflix and my wish is for everyone to watch this. Totally worth it if you’re interested in what you put into your body.
- Produced by Leonardo Di Caprio. Need I say more 😉 On a more serious note, it’s about how our diet choices are affecting the environment and the animals and people living on our planet. It’s one of the best documentaries to watch before making any lifestyle changes in terms of diet.
- The same as above, minus Di Caprio. I truly recommend watching these two if you need to choose two that has to do with diet and healthy living.
- Wow, this documentary made me shed many many, oh so many, tears. It was such a heartbreaking story. I love that the guys chosing to make this film made it as their university project and went to South America to actually live the reality instead of just writing about living on one dollar a day. Truly inspiring.
- If no 6 makes you cry, not sure what this one does to me. Maybe it’s because it’s close to my heart, since it has to do with India. A guy from the US travels to India to help children that have HIV/AIDS. His dedication, his interest, love and compassion is just so contagious and it’s beautiful to watch. So beautiful that you will shed some tears here as well. One of my favourites…
- I think it’s a great healthy living and food related documentary. It might not be super relevant for me since it deals with a lot of overweight issues and how to overcome those by going on a Juice diet for a while and then going over to a plant based diet. I found it inspiring despite not struggling with those issues, it’s still a very motivational and powerful documentary. Seeing their journey is sometimes enough to feel inspired.
- It’s a little old, it dates 10-12 years back and when McDonalds had Supersize menus in the US. I believe they have removed those options now (perhaps after this documentary was made). It’s about a guy eating only McDonald’s food for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 30 days. He cannot walk more than 5000 steps a day, since that’s what the average American walks every day – that is not a lot of steps. It’s recommended that everyone at least walks 10K a day, and is active for around 30 min a day. Worth watching, but it will disgust you from ever entering a fast food chain ever again. I have made my promise, not eating McDonald’s after seeing that show. Neither will my future kids.
Peace and Love,
Starting an Online Jewelry Boutique!
I am finally announcing what my side-project is all about! I have for a while now been thinking of starting my own business, within something I’m passionate about. Too much time has passed since it was all thoughts and ideas, and I thought to myself that it’s time to not look back and just take action. I have been researching into all kinds of related subjects since this is a huge topic which mostly is pretty new to me. I’ve chosen an e-commerce platform to use and I chose Shopify. It seems pretty easy and scalable if and when the business becomes larger and you have a lot of products listed. I’m already super excited to get my e-boutique launched and be able to share it with all of you.
You might wonder what my shop is going to be selling. 🙂
I’ll be selecting unique and special pieces of jewelry (silver and other materials) and accessories from India, Thailand and South Asia, with an oriental and special design that I find too little of here in Sweden or in the West generally. Of course I will also buy in all kinds of popular trendy jewellery that can be used for an everyday look. I will begin with the Nordic region, and quite soon expand to ship to the whole Europe, and when I’m more stable I’ll include the whole wide world; so everyone can enjoy a piece of the East in the West.
I’m also looking into specializing in more cool Indian accessories that I can easily get hold of when I travel to India next time. More focus on quality material that is specific to India and that region, which is great for scarfs, clothes and accessories.
The second aspect, and the key to my business is that portions of the sales will be donated to charity organisations I’ve chosen to work with. One of my greatest wishes for the world is for it to be less poverty, and I can only do so much on my own with my contributions to try to work towards changing the world. Therefore I would like to ask for your help to help the world, to give back to the society and to help people in need. The smallest gesture can help, buying a piece of jewellery from my shop will contribute to charity organisation working specifically with women and helping them getting a solid income so they can provide for their family and themselves; thus becoming more independent.
UPDATE in Aug -16: Due to some delays in some tasks the launch of the online jewellery shop will be planned for to the end of this year (2016). I will be sharing more details regarding the business as I get closer to launch date. Stay tuned!
Peace and Love,
New City – Friends
Today is the first day since my move that I felt a little lonely even though I was amongst people. I have never been the type that would rely my whole life on someone or some people to entertain me or to hang out with. But today I felt like this new city life, the tough parts of it, are catching up on me. To have some own friends to just call up and go out with, to go downtown shopping with someone who just happened to be nearby.. all those things. I do have some friends in this town to start with but you need to build a network slowly and that’s what bothered me today, that I don’t have that starting point that people usually do when they’ve lived in a city all their lives. I need to work out how to get a little more acquainted with the city so I can find myself around a lot easier and to meet new people that I can call my friends.
I went to a café today to write in my book. Anyone who writes knows what a struggle it is to keep that spirit going and to keep on writing even the days when you feel like it’s not giving the results you want. I love the topic I’m writing about and it gives me strength and hope in my everyday life; so I love the process when I’m actually in the process and writing. It’s all about getting in the process in the first place, to sit down and start writing those few first words that get you into a flow. The flow is all you’re looking for, but that’s usually what hinders you as well. What if you can’t find the words, what if it doesn’t become as you want it to, etc.. That’s just your mind putting doubts in you. I believe it’s all about getting those moments for yourself and write from your heart, then all the words you want to write that particular day, they will come to you, the flow will come to you.
I’m going to be updating you all about my writing soon in another blog post, some more details about what I’m writing about. If you’re interested to find out a little bit, there’s a post further down that explains a little bit on a higher level what topics it covers.
Peace and Love,