In 2007-2009 I attended yoga and meditation classes in Gothenburg, when I lived there. My teacher, or guru, Anandananda was the most genuine yoga teacher I have come across over the years. In comparison with all classes I have taken over the years those were the ones I remember with great joy. While meditating on the train down to Gothenburg a couple of weeks ago, I came to think of that teacher again. It’s been years and the thought hasn’t really ever crossed my mind since I don’t live in the same city anymore. I looked him up to see if he’s still teaching and he is, especially during the pandemic he was doing classes over Zoom. I signed up without hesitation for a class this autumn season. I needed something like that to ground me during these difficult times and I believe my higher consciousness took care of that for me, and made me remember what in the past has made me feel better.
I visited the main place in Stockholm for crystals, called Kristallrummet a few days ago. I needed some new energies in my life from the power of the crystals, so I looked around mostly on intuition and from previous knowledge of different stones. I love the energy and vibe in that store, everyone who shops there are all so in tune with their spiritual practice and I don’t know many other places where people would treat each other with such genuine kindness than such places. Due to the pandemic there was a queue outside and they only let 10 people in at a time. In that line I could see a bunch of teenagers in the age range 14-18. It made me so happy to see how this practice and spiritual interest has spread to the lower ages these days, most probably due to it spreading via Internet and word of mouth. I remember when I was their age, I used to hang out online in these Yahoo mailing groups, spiritual forums where no one knew each other other than a nickname. I had joined both international and Swedish forums at the time and I remember always being one of the youngest ones in the groups. Since age isn’t visible online, I remember people often mistaking me for being one of their age (adult). All of that came back to me just by seeing these teenagers in line. I’m glad people are able to find their way to this hobby easier these days. There’s also less judgement for difference and other hobbies than the norm, compared to when I grew up. Back then it was something better to be kept to myself if I didn’t want to be a total loner.
What is giving us meaning in our lives? Is it the strive for a career, near and dear ones, children or something beyond that, a faith or religion? Why is it so difficult to find the meaning and why does it matter to us so much? It’s a question that always keeps coming back to me. I contemplate on it and meditate on it but still come up with different answers each time. At times it can be hard to find the meaning when you feel down and depressed without light in sight. It’s funny how it can either be hormones playing a game with our brain or thoughts spiral in circles. Either way, it’s super difficult to do anything else than to rest, sleep and try to be kind to yourself and hope the day after is better. Those days it’s hard to find the meaning of life, why we are here on this earth. Music helps some days. At least to get the emotions out of the system. Some tracks make you feel so many emotions that it’s best to just listen to what your body and soul is trying to tell you. Through the music.
I have pasted some links to some tracks that always have an impact on me. The last one is a Swedish song, which is a remake of a song from a musical from 1995, Kristina från Duvemåla (which I obviously haven’t seen since it was before my time). Haven’t seen the musical but the song spoke to me. It’s called “Du måste finnas”, which means you must exist or you must be real. For me it represents a belief in something spiritual, something higher than us, something universal. A God, perhaps. Whatever you may call it. I don’t listen to a lot of Swedish tracks these days, I used to do it more during my teenage years. This song is a song about belief and faith for me, something you might need to remind yourself of when times are rough or you have doubts that you can make it through trying times.
Three books I’m trying to read these days are: “Mindful way out of depression”, “A new earth” by Eckhart Tolle, and “The Untethered soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself” by Michael Singer. The last one is a really great one which anyone should try to read, over and over, you find new things to focus on each time. I received it from a dear friend in India. It’s a highly spiritual book and will really take you on a journey within yourself, explore the vast divine within yourself.
Howard Shore ft Enya – May it Be (link to Spotify, if it doesn’t work, search for it on Youtube)
Hans Zimmer – Time
Yiruma – River Flows in You
Du måste finnas – Newkid (lyrics in English here)
15 years later. This topic has found me again and I will tune in and listen to what the universe wants to tell me this time, when I am a little older and wiser. Let’s start a new journey to try to gaze inwards and try to find more answers to what’s within us and beyond us in different dimensions. This is the truth I have always felt inside of me to be true, but there hasn’t been the right words or situations to explain it all. Let’s see what happens this time around. I am open and ready for it.
Sometimes when I write, words are flowing through me and they have been trying to explain these concepts. I don’t always feel that I am entirely aware of what is being said in the moment, until I read it all back. Who knows, perhaps that is what is called ‘flow’ or ‘inspiration’?
Peace and Love,
This morning I chose to meditate on healing my inner child. I had found a fitting meditation more than a year ago on Youtube and added it to my meditation playlist but I hadn’t had the right feeling to want to listen to it. Today was the day. Something pulled me in and made me click on it today. I was uncomfortable at first, because I didn’t know what was awaiting. The need for control in the situation tried to pull me in and hinder me from going ahead, but I pulled through. I took a deep breath and lay down. It was 6:15am and I had willingly gone up early during these times despite not needing to. I feel as though waking up early really makes you want to care for your inner self and take things slowly in the morning. Before everything is about work and must-dos. You can just listen inwards and take a while to meditate and have a slow breakfast in silence. Before the world wakes up.
While I was meditating there was a section where I was introduced to my 3-year old self. I met her in the corridors inside a giant mountain in a peaceful world. She looked up at me and wanted me to hold her. Lift her up and comfort her. Tell her that everything is going to be alright. It was as if a very sensitive button had been pushed right at that moment, because my tears started to flow and I found myself crying and finding the whole situation incredibly sad and the built up emotions boiled over. I struggled my way back to the present and the breathing techniques to get back to meditation. I find that this type of meditation seem to have this impact because I need to heal this side of myself, I need to focus more attention on my childlike self. Don’t forget her. Comfort her. Get to know her needs.
Peace and Love,