Here is the page where I will share all my travel related information.
Astral Projection and Lucid Dreaming.
15 years later. This topic has found me again and I will tune in and listen to what the universe wants to tell me this time, when I am a little older and wiser. Let’s start a new journey to try to gaze inwards and try to find more answers to what’s within us and beyond us in different dimensions. This is the truth I have always felt inside of me to be true, but there hasn’t been the right words or situations to explain it all. Let’s see what happens this time around. I am open and ready for it.
Sometimes when I write, words are flowing through me and they have been trying to explain these concepts. I don’t always feel that I am entirely aware of what is being said in the moment, until I read it all back. Who knows, perhaps that is what is called ‘flow’ or ‘inspiration’?
Peace and Love,
Driving License Journey | 2020 Update
I started out my journey to take my driver’s license for cars in 2012 with a driving school. I came to a good level to take the exam but I took a break to do my LASER eye surgery in Dec that year. Due to the many complications and scarring I didn’t have the vision to be able to practise driving anymore and it wasn’t possible to correct the problems with any glasses or contact lenses. I put the plans on taking the driver’s license on the side to focus on getting my vision back on track by doing several touch-up surgeries in the following years.
I restarted my journey to take the license by practicing privately last year and had aimed to take the license this year. The process of taking a license in Sweden is really good and a secure way of getting the license with the most regulations to make sure people really completely know the rules before they are allowed to drive. There are two theoretical parts, one risk assessment course and another theory exam for everything that you need to know regarding traffic rules etc. There’s another practical exam where you drive on a man-made slippery road for a few hours to test your ability to maneuver the car when you lose control due to ice or snow on the road. When you pass all these smaller tests, you will then go for the major practical driving test where you will show your skills. You either choose to drive with the car that the driving school has, and the one you’ve gotten used to drive or you can drive with a car they have at the test center. They prefer that you come with the driving school so that’s the option I have chosen. The driving school has to first pass you and consider your skills to match the expectations of passing an exam.
I am currently in the middle of an intensive 2 week course where I drive every day with my teacher and study the theory on the side. It’s actually going really well and I can feel that I am progressing more and more each day I take classes with my teacher. He’s a really good and very structured teacher and exactly what I was looking for in a teacher. I am taking my test and all classes in my home town, Gothenburg, Sweden. It’s the best decision I have made when it comes to taking my license, because all the streets are so much more familiar than any other city. I love this city more when I am now driving through my old neighborhoods and observing it from a whole new perspective. I can’t wait to get the license so I can drive wherever and whenever I want. I am looking forward to that level of freedom that a driver’s license can truly give you. You don’t know what you’re missing until you have it, kinda thing.
I will keep you posted here on my progress as it continues over the next couple of weeks. Catch me on Instagram @mskimmisandhu or @moon_over_mumbai (for poetry posts).
Peace and Love,
Roots | Mumbai Diaries
Roots. What a peculiar thing that can affect us so much when we least expect them to. I thought I had worked through a lot of my inner struggles with roots and identity by this age but I was so wrong. Why do I keep coming back to this country, why can’t I let it go? My father left India almost 50 years ago and I as an adult keep coming back as if something is pulling me here. Is there a stronger energy at play here that wants me coming back? What is the purpose of me feeling this way?
There are two days left of my trip and the emotions are already building up, that I am going back and leaving this behind. Once again, just like any other year, I am travelling back to Sweden. My home. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for my life in Sweden and that’s all I have ever known to be my home. But I have never felt that I fully belong there, there’s just that big chunk of both my heart and soul never able to belong to Sweden and it is always left behind in India. I come back to try to find my pieces every year to try to feel whole. I have also started to accept that it might be difficult for anything to ever fill that void of never belonging anywhere. The trick is to find ways to cope with this empty feeling.
When I land in Sweden and travel back to my apartment on the smooth empty highways, it’s always a bittersweet feeling. I feel emotional over the fact that I have left something behind but at the same time I am embracing what is so familiar to me. The life in Sweden. What gets to me each time, is that I notice that my clothes smell like India and the scent of Sweden is so different. The air is much lighter. There are no noises from traffic, no unnecessary honking going on. One would think that it’s something you’d never miss about India, but it’s exactly these things that make India come alive. It’s never sleeping and you learn to be mindful and unbothered by the scents, the noise, the crowd and everything that happens at once. Once you get mindful and one with it all, it creates this feeling of presence and bliss that we have all heard people mesmerised with India talk about. The hippies.
Even right now when I am typing this, I am sitting in my bedroom in our shared flat and the windows are closed. But you can hear everything from the streets four floors down in the middle of the city centre of Colaba, Mumbai. During a few wee hours in the night it goes quiet before the city wakes up to the organised chaos. I am not someone who easily get attached to places, I like to keep my memories of people and places normally and that is what I bring with me everywhere I go. But there has always been something with Mumbai that has pulled me in. I believe it’s the contrast between the rest of India that I’ve seen (which is not much compared to how much is left to see) and the India that exists in Mumbai. There’s a vibe in this town that is hard to match elsewhere. Perhaps I am a romantic Pisces that only likes to focus on these pink cloudy thoughts whenever I describe this town, but I am positive that I am not the only one who thinks this way. Obviously it’s not the jammed traffic, the high air pollution and crowded areas that make you love this city. It’s what language it speaks to you when you listen carefully with your ears and your heart. What is the soul of this place? Does it connect with you? Why?
Open skies | Mumbai Diaries
When I look up at the sky in the evening darkness I can still see the moon and the stars, despite the amount of air pollution contaminating the air. The breezy air flowing through my hair as I walk down the beach is captivating my senses. I don’t want to turn back. I want to just stay in this moment, where I can just be, me. Utterly grateful for the life I live and the people I have in my life who means the world to me. When you’re one moment away from losing your place on this earth you become very aware of what drives you in life and who you want to keep close. The near-death experiences can really remind you what is in front of you and important and what you need to let go of. What is no longer serving you. Who do you want to hug extra tightly? If today was my last day, would I be happy with the life I am leading? Have I told you how much you mean to me?
To be continued…
Peace and love,
PS. I write small pieces of writing when the inspiration strikes me throughout this trip to Mumbai, India. Follow this every day to see a new post, there is always something on my mind to let out in to the world.
My roots | Mumbai Diaries
My roots have long been malnourished and fragile, protected against outer influence. I have found my way back to watering them and slowly but surely they are growing stronger and establishing ground in places I never could have imagined. The journey to getting here has been long and lonely. When the tree is starting to blossom, not many would know the effort and pain it took to grow the tree so fertile so that flowers can bloom. The result can be intimidating just like inner growth. I didn’t realise what I have been missing in my life; a sense of belonging. I have always stood out and been the rebel for so long, that it becomes your identity. It becomes what you expect because there is no room for just being you. When you find your way back to your roots, you’ll never look back again. I wish I could have told this to my confused and suicidal teenage self. Things wouldn’t have had to be this hard.
To be continued…
Peace and love,
Silent scream | Mumbai Diaries
The silent crack between my teeth after I had just bitten into a peanut that was inside a Punjabi Samosa, was sounding louder in my head than to anyone else. I knew what was wrong. The apparently nut-free samosa had deadly peanuts inside of them. I was sitting by the palm trees along the beach near Marine Drive at a café. So far away from any hospital and so far away from knowing what I would do if anything severe happened. Million thoughts always run through my head in these moments, and it might sound like a cliche but it’s very true. I believe I am not the only nut allergic person who have these near-death aha moments.
– What if this is it? This is the moment when I die.
– Do the people I love know that I love them? Near, far and everyone in between. I’m not even close to being good at expressing my love for certain people in my life and what they mean to me.
After such an experience I become very emotional and mellow, as if I don’t know anymore what really matters. The core values and the core most important life ingredients are being questioned and once again reevaluated. These short moments of fear become eye-openers and make me wake up.
To be continued…
Peace and Love,
I am in Love | Mumbai Diaries
If there are any places that could seduce you with their vibe and attractiveness, it would be Mumbai. I am in love with this town, more than ever before. I feel like a hummingbird flying freely around in this mad town; the place where everyone is equally longing for this escapist feeling. It’s hard to describe it to anyone who isn’t feeling this either. You will either love it or dislike it here. The smell, the noises, the rush, the heat and the amount of people everywhere. The pathway along Marine Drive is crazy in the evenings and the vibe is so hard to find elsewhere. Sitting by the water and seeing the skyline is magical. I don’t know why it is, but I feel like it is a place like home. The people who know me well knows how hard it is to feel at home somewhere, it’s rare.
To be continued…
Peace and Love,
TCKs/CCKs – My Experience
I came across this term a few months back, perhaps 6 months ago and I’ve spent some time processing it in the back of my head ever since. TCK or CCK. Third culture kid or cross culture kid.
Third culture kids (TCK) are people raised in a culture other than their parents’ or the culture of the country named on their passport (where they are legally considered native) for a significant part of their early development years. They are often exposed to a greater variety of cultural influences. The term can refer to both adults and children, as the term “kid” points more to an individual’s formative or developmental years.
Due to the multi cultural upbringing of these people they grow up feeling in between cultures and always longing for some global surrounding where they can feel at home. That’s the theme for me at least; you never or rarely feel at home because of this endless rootlessness and cultural instability. You might feel some issues with bonding with people that are in the “home” culture due to this mixture of cultures that you’ve grown up with.
The classic scenario are the people who have had parents that due to their job or similar situations needed to move to different countries very often throughout their childhood. This leads to the mixed cultural feeling but also a sense of openness towards people of all kinds of backgrounds, because that’s what you have grown up with and gotten used to. Another classic outcome of this type of upbringing is that you always feel more at home when you’re on your way to somewhere else. Perhaps travelling would be a huge interest or hobby.
There was one description of why this phenomenon occurs for some children and why they cannot let it go when they’re adults. It’s a void in the heart that is hard to fill. The child might not get a proper chance to say goodbye to one culture and/or country and move on to live in another, you won’t know which one to adapt to and you continue living in confusion.
When reading about this and hearing different TED talks about this topic something finally clicked for me. I felt understood for the first time in ages. Understood for my rootlessness and why I don’t necessarily feel at home anywhere unless I’m travelling or headed somewhere with a more international environment. Some may call it to escape your everyday life, but for me I just can’t imagine being in one place for long. It’s as if I have an inner voice telling me to get up and move, get new perspectives and vibes from new places and dimensions. This doesn’t necessarily mean a physical place. I can feel better by just spending a long while daydreaming about being somewhere else and building stories in my head. I am a Pisces after all.
What’s your experience with being a TCK or CCK? Do you have any similar experiences?
Peace and love,
Landing in India
The flight is due to land at Indira Gandhi airport of New Delhi and the plane is travelling across the large city, passing through the thick layer of clouds, smog and pollution. When the plane is close to landing, the whole large metal cylinder is filled with a familiar smell or scent of India, something that others might find repulsive. But to me it’s filled with memories, emotions and a touch of belonging. Tears are filled up in my eyes when the plane hits the ground. I’m home. Once again.
The hotel we stayed at isn’t worth mentioning due to the overall experience wasn’t all too well, but there were some highlights of the service level and staff that is worth mentioning. The two nights in Delhi were a good touch-down base before our onward departuring to Punjab. You get a moment of acclimatising to the Indian climate, food and the senses get hightened.
I have been writing a lot through the years about belonging and identity since it has always been a struggle for me, being born in Sweden and having roots from such a colourful culture that is India. The clash between these two extreme worlds has been both a blessing and a curse, since it has opened me up to so much inner personal development I never would have been striving for if it weren’t for being torn in two directions. I have previously written about being a TCK in a world of being around people that have almost no other mixed background, which makes you feel different and strange from time to time. When I during the recent years found myself searching more inwards in my own identity crisis and started to accept that I am fine the way I am, both Swedish and Indian, I was able to grow strength to be able to tell my story. I felt for the first time that I was able to connect with other people that have a similar background, and my creativity became more heightened.
The last day at the Delhi hotel, we ate dinner in the restaurant at the hotel to be a bit more convenient and also to not have to rush around in Delhi traffic at that hour. No matter if we choose to or not, we eventually adapt to eating at Indian times, which is quite different than dining times in Sweden. Back home in Sweden one would eat dinner at 6-7 pm and lunch at 11-12 am. When we’re in India the dinner times are around 8-9pm and lunch around 1-2pm. I think it might be due to the fact that people go to work a little later on and leave later, which makes the whole day shift a few hours.
When we were dining at 8 pm at the hotel, the waiter asked us if we were from Sweden since he could see it in our booking. Obviously he could tell we had some sort of Indian (desi) background so he asked if we were here for the first time. I responded, no we’ve been here many times before since our background is from Punjab. He asked if we were born here or in Sweden, and this is where things would have been confusing if I were to trust my past experiences of being put in a box. His response to us being born in Sweden, was the sweetest I have received in India in a long time. He said, then you’re just as much Indian as you are Swedish and he smiled and giggled a bit. I agreed and he went on to talk to other guests in the restaurant. He probably didn’t know what that sentence meant to me, how much it meant that someone would acknowledge us as being part of this society and still be able to keep the other identity. He truly saw our Indian soul. We didn’t have to feel torn and puzzled between the two cultures. Not being forced to choose when someone asks us which one we consider our home, or which one we like the most. There can never be a clear answer to that question, I am always searching, and the more I search, the more questions I get.
The best part of being born in two cultures is the richness it gives to my life, to be able to live a life with both influences on a day to day basis. To be able to pick and choose (most of the times) what we like with each culture and keep those aspects in our life for the next generation. Coming to India annually means much more to me than can be put into words, it can never be explained, the emotions that run through my body when I land 7000 km away from Sweden. Despite being more restricted to do exactly what I want as a woman, to come and go at any hour, and having difficulties adapting to the lifestyle here; I still feel more alive and free. There’s a freedom and acceptance in the air in India one cannot find anywhere else. I might be biased, but that’s my truth.
Sat Sri Akal, Namaste, Peace and Love,
Travelling is my Drug | Nomadic Traveller
Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.
– Anthony Bourdain
I can’t seem to help it, this underlying urge to always leave and be on the road to somewhere else. I love the feeling of not belonging to one place, I like belonging to the world. Open. Free. Endless possibilities. I believe it has to do with my two cultures, Swedish and Indian. I love them both, almost equally. Almost. I weigh them back and forth, compare and contrast, which one do I like the most. For the moment.
Being a TCK (third culture kid) or more like a CCK (cross-cultural kid) in my particular case, one will always have to deal with these emotions of not belonging to a certain degree. Rootlessness. Mixed cultural belonging. Struggle to fit in. All of these things are all based in a TCKs/CCKs childhood of being brought up in a mixed cultural environment, where the guidelines of how to deal with it has been missing. Especially during the 90s/00s in Sweden. Growing up in Sweden, in an area where there were no immigrants, has its impact in the long term.
The travelling aspect of my life doesn’t only have to do with physical travelling from one place to another, I am almost always somewhere in a bubble. Typical Pisces behaviour, for those that know astrology. It’s a hard struggle to always remind myself to come back to reality, but when dreaming becomes part of your everyday life to survive, it’s hard to resist. If I knew how to astral travel, I’d be addicted to it. Sounds like such an amazing ability to be able to visit both places and people in all kinds of spaces.
Someone was describing how a TCK walks through life, as if we stand constantly at the airport gate, anxious, waiting for our flight somewhere, walking back and forth until we board our flight. That’s when we calm down and relax, in the window seat of the plane, viewing the endless skies and clouds overlooking everything. That feeling makes me truly feel alive. Never understood why, until I read about being a TCK. Check out my other post on what it is about and my experience up until now, here.
Peace and love,