This is the page where you will find all the posts about my dreams.
The connection and understanding between two people can only ever be known by those two persons. I have contemplated over the memories and shared moments between two people, what happens to them over time? What happens if one passes away, do the memories die with them? What happens if one loses the memory? Where do they go? Do the memories even make sense to anyone else but to the people sharing them? Is that the reason why we would want to create art and creations to capture the soul of the people around us? To honour the connections between souls. I don’t know. I just know that I cherish each moment with every single soul in my life that I share a pure connection with, and I hope that we are able to hold on to the memories the day they’re only left with one soul.
15 years later. This topic has found me again and I will tune in and listen to what the universe wants to tell me this time, when I am a little older and wiser. Let’s start a new journey to try to gaze inwards and try to find more answers to what’s within us and beyond us in different dimensions. This is the truth I have always felt inside of me to be true, but there hasn’t been the right words or situations to explain it all. Let’s see what happens this time around. I am open and ready for it.
Sometimes when I write, words are flowing through me and they have been trying to explain these concepts. I don’t always feel that I am entirely aware of what is being said in the moment, until I read it all back. Who knows, perhaps that is what is called ‘flow’ or ‘inspiration’?
Peace and Love,
I was at an amusement park in a ride where a father is sitting with his daughter who is next to me. They are having a conversation in a language I think I understand. But when he talks I don’t really get it, only when the daughter replies in the cutest Hindi/Punjabi I can understand. So I ask the father what they speak, then he replies to me in Hindi. I explain that I don’t understand it so well, only when she talks. In the background of the dream music is playing, it’s Vivaldi with Four seasons, but it’s played in a very Indian way so I feel that it’s representing yoga and spiritual music in the dream. Then all of a sudden my sister and my cousin comes by and says they’ve hurt themselves somewhere while riding something in the park. But they leave just as fast as they come by. I still sit there with the girl and continues my conversation.
When I woke up, I realised that I’m that girl. Confused in between the western and Indian world.
Driving. It’s a skill one must learn to really know what it means to be free. Completely free to travel anywhere and anytime. The journey towards taking the license in Sweden has been a long and bumpy road since 2012. I kept on pushing myself to overcome my struggles with eyesight after laser surgery to finally be on the final road to actually taking the license. It’s never going to be too late. There have been people in ages ranging from 18 to 55 in my classes. You learn about yourself and how you react to certain situations and stress while doing the intensive driving classes. Let’s dig deep into what it meant for me, especially to be back in my hometown Göteborg on the West coast of Sweden to drive everyday for two weeks. It’s not only been fun to drive, it’s been challenging, strengthening, exciting but also melancholic. Let get into why.
The driving school is close to where my parents live, it’s the same neighborhood I have grown up in and lived in up until I was 19. The classes started with a session where I was to show my current skills in driving so we started off at a parking lot and drove out onto the roads in the area. It went pretty fine from the get go. I only needed to adjust to a new car which I wasn’t used to drive in. A Volvo XC40, Diesel. Much easier to find the pull position and the different gears were also easier to adapt to. This is the car I will use on the day of my driving test, which is currently dated to 7th of September. If all goes well and I pass the other practical and theoretical tests I will go on and do the test in Sept.
When driving through every single street of where I grew up and close to each of my three first schools was more emotional and affecting me more than I had expected to. I only chose to drive with this school and this area because it’s convenient and close to home when I stay in Göteborg, little did I know that it was going to take me on a journey down the memories and feelings of the past. The further into the first week we got, the more we started to drive downtown and in areas I hadn’t been to in years, since I last lived in this city. We were joking about the fact that I am sightseeing by car in my own town and it was really a much nicer experience to drive this course than I could have ever imagined. I thought it would only be difficult and hard, but it’s been equally as rewarding for my mental health. Pushing myself when there have been some days when things started turning backwards and not going as I thought, how you learn to let go of mistakes you do while driving so it doesn’t affect the rest of the driving. The most impressive thing was how the driving instructor without knowing was able to know how I was struggling with letting go and putting way too high expectations on myself which were causing unnecessary hurdles that I needed to crush before I can succeed. He would sometimes just tell me when I went quiet and didn’t say a word, “just let go of that bad past experience, I can see that you’re going over it in your head and it will affect your driving, just let it go.”
It was amazing to see how someone is able to read me so well without knowing me.
Towards the end of the driving course there were just a couple of incidents where I wasn’t always able to think of all the different things at the same time. Driving into a highway where the roads are merging and I need to get into one of the lanes while there’s already traffic on the road and coming in with a speed of 70 km/h. I almost crashed into a car because everyone kept changing their lane at that spot and things were happening too fast at a very fast speed. I kept on being hard on myself after that and wasn’t able to let it go as fast as the other things, so I had to take a deep breath, keep driving and talk about other things to take my mind off it. He was telling me that I need to stop expecting myself to become a perfect driver and that I am putting these super ambitious expectations that no one can meet on myself. I felt as if he saw through so many of my past struggles that I have been through, not only in this situation but also when I study or work. I just needed to be more nice towards myself and what I have already accomplished. Every time he asked me how I felt it has gone today with the driving I was always critical over the tiniest things.
All in all, after two weeks my skills are on a level where I only need to drive more on my own at home for some weeks to let it all sink in. Hopefully I will get to the level which is required for a final practical test in the beginning of September. Let’s keep fingers crossed!
Peace and Love,
I started out my journey to take my driver’s license for cars in 2012 with a driving school. I came to a good level to take the exam but I took a break to do my LASER eye surgery in Dec that year. Due to the many complications and scarring I didn’t have the vision to be able to practise driving anymore and it wasn’t possible to correct the problems with any glasses or contact lenses. I put the plans on taking the driver’s license on the side to focus on getting my vision back on track by doing several touch-up surgeries in the following years.
I restarted my journey to take the license by practicing privately last year and had aimed to take the license this year. The process of taking a license in Sweden is really good and a secure way of getting the license with the most regulations to make sure people really completely know the rules before they are allowed to drive. There are two theoretical parts, one risk assessment course and another theory exam for everything that you need to know regarding traffic rules etc. There’s another practical exam where you drive on a man-made slippery road for a few hours to test your ability to maneuver the car when you lose control due to ice or snow on the road. When you pass all these smaller tests, you will then go for the major practical driving test where you will show your skills. You either choose to drive with the car that the driving school has, and the one you’ve gotten used to drive or you can drive with a car they have at the test center. They prefer that you come with the driving school so that’s the option I have chosen. The driving school has to first pass you and consider your skills to match the expectations of passing an exam.
I am currently in the middle of an intensive 2 week course where I drive every day with my teacher and study the theory on the side. It’s actually going really well and I can feel that I am progressing more and more each day I take classes with my teacher. He’s a really good and very structured teacher and exactly what I was looking for in a teacher. I am taking my test and all classes in my home town, Gothenburg, Sweden. It’s the best decision I have made when it comes to taking my license, because all the streets are so much more familiar than any other city. I love this city more when I am now driving through my old neighborhoods and observing it from a whole new perspective. I can’t wait to get the license so I can drive wherever and whenever I want. I am looking forward to that level of freedom that a driver’s license can truly give you. You don’t know what you’re missing until you have it, kinda thing.
I will keep you posted here on my progress as it continues over the next couple of weeks. Catch me on Instagram @mskimmisandhu or @moon_over_mumbai (for poetry posts).
Peace and Love,
Roots. What a peculiar thing that can affect us so much when we least expect them to. I thought I had worked through a lot of my inner struggles with roots and identity by this age but I was so wrong. Why do I keep coming back to this country, why can’t I let it go? My father left India almost 50 years ago and I as an adult keep coming back as if something is pulling me here. Is there a stronger energy at play here that wants me coming back? What is the purpose of me feeling this way?
There are two days left of my trip and the emotions are already building up, that I am going back and leaving this behind. Once again, just like any other year, I am travelling back to Sweden. My home. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for my life in Sweden and that’s all I have ever known to be my home. But I have never felt that I fully belong there, there’s just that big chunk of both my heart and soul never able to belong to Sweden and it is always left behind in India. I come back to try to find my pieces every year to try to feel whole. I have also started to accept that it might be difficult for anything to ever fill that void of never belonging anywhere. The trick is to find ways to cope with this empty feeling.
When I land in Sweden and travel back to my apartment on the smooth empty highways, it’s always a bittersweet feeling. I feel emotional over the fact that I have left something behind but at the same time I am embracing what is so familiar to me. The life in Sweden. What gets to me each time, is that I notice that my clothes smell like India and the scent of Sweden is so different. The air is much lighter. There are no noises from traffic, no unnecessary honking going on. One would think that it’s something you’d never miss about India, but it’s exactly these things that make India come alive. It’s never sleeping and you learn to be mindful and unbothered by the scents, the noise, the crowd and everything that happens at once. Once you get mindful and one with it all, it creates this feeling of presence and bliss that we have all heard people mesmerised with India talk about. The hippies.
Even right now when I am typing this, I am sitting in my bedroom in our shared flat and the windows are closed. But you can hear everything from the streets four floors down in the middle of the city centre of Colaba, Mumbai. During a few wee hours in the night it goes quiet before the city wakes up to the organised chaos. I am not someone who easily get attached to places, I like to keep my memories of people and places normally and that is what I bring with me everywhere I go. But there has always been something with Mumbai that has pulled me in. I believe it’s the contrast between the rest of India that I’ve seen (which is not much compared to how much is left to see) and the India that exists in Mumbai. There’s a vibe in this town that is hard to match elsewhere. Perhaps I am a romantic Pisces that only likes to focus on these pink cloudy thoughts whenever I describe this town, but I am positive that I am not the only one who thinks this way. Obviously it’s not the jammed traffic, the high air pollution and crowded areas that make you love this city. It’s what language it speaks to you when you listen carefully with your ears and your heart. What is the soul of this place? Does it connect with you? Why?
If there are any places that could seduce you with their vibe and attractiveness, it would be Mumbai. I am in love with this town, more than ever before. I feel like a hummingbird flying freely around in this mad town; the place where everyone is equally longing for this escapist feeling. It’s hard to describe it to anyone who isn’t feeling this either. You will either love it or dislike it here. The smell, the noises, the rush, the heat and the amount of people everywhere. The pathway along Marine Drive is crazy in the evenings and the vibe is so hard to find elsewhere. Sitting by the water and seeing the skyline is magical. I don’t know why it is, but I feel like it is a place like home. The people who know me well knows how hard it is to feel at home somewhere, it’s rare.
To be continued…
Peace and Love,
It's been very inspiring to read other people's promises and goals to accomplish during the next coming year. I want to take a moment and document at least some of the things I would like to do and complete during the year of 2017. Without goals and something to look forward to it's easy to just get stuck in a wheel of the same mundane things.
(The list is not ordered chronologically.)
- Travel. A weekend in Berlin, London and Scotland is already on my list for short 3-4 day trips. Other trips will be planned depending on plans and/or business plans and vacations.
- Vipassana meditation. I really hope that I will be able to complete a Vipassana during a trip to India or in Sweden. I believe it might be more possible with India since I can go during next winter. I don't think there will be time for that during summer in Sweden; and I want to have good weather when I go to the Vipassana centre. I'd rather have that experience alone but I'll ask a friend or two if they want to join. Share the experience.
- Writing my book. I have had a long break from my book writing due to personal reasons. I need to reevaluate my story direction and almost start over my writing, unfortunately. I will make a plan for the book during my current India trip now in December 2016.
- Meditate daily. I know I've been having this on my list for ages, and it comes back every now and then, but it's crucial for my mental health to wind down and be peaceful on the inside.
- Exercise 2-3 times a week. Yoga, Pilates and weight training.
- Improve my stamina by starting to jog. Apply for a 5km run with a friend to have as a goal.
- Practice to be more mindful.
- Watch Darren Hayes' musical in London or somewhere in Europe whenever he is finished with it.
- See the one-man-band Assemblage 23 live for the first time (of many). Waited for around 8-9 years. Those lyrics he writes are some of the best in the genre of futurepop/EBM.
- Practice riding a bike and become more confident again. It's been years since I knew how to, and I guess you never really forget, I just need to be good at driving it in traffic as well.
- I don't plan on taking my driver's license during 2017, but I plan on practicing driving again and be more confident in traffic. I knew how to 2-3 years ago but that was before my laser eye surgery. Now I need to spend weekends every now and then to just get into the routine and then eventually when it's in my priority I will apply for and take the license.
What's your bucket list for 2017? Share and link to yours below so we can all take part and be inspired.
There’s an old tradition in India to look up the horoscope and analyse a newborn’s star sign to predict major happenings in his/her life. Despite being born in quite a modern Indian family, and being born in Sweden, I still received an analyse of my future life which is called a “Janmpatri”. It’s a booklet which is consisting of a lot of astrology readings. This might seem odd and quite frankly a bit dreamy, but it’s very common.
My booklet is written in Hindi so I can’t unfortunately read it myself without the help of my parents. I know of some of the incidents which are written in my booklet that should have already happened. The funny thing is that they’re usually very precise of when the happenings will occur. I got a little brother at the age of 8 after many years of waiting. That was written in the astrology booklet amongst other things. The age of when I’d get married and about boyfriends and how they’d be.
Being a Piscean I’ve always been interested in astrology and spiritual topics. I’ve always been a seeker looking for answers in my life. Why do some things happen? What are we here on Earth to do? What is the meaning of life? I asked these questions very early on in my teens and could lie awake at night just pondering on these life topics. I think it’s one of the things that has driven me to be more keen to always be open to new knowledge. It’s helped me tons.
One lady once did a tarot reading for me and unfortunately she thought I was already above 18 and at the time I was actually 16. I remember that her reading up until the age of 16 made a lot of sense, and it gave hints to what I had already been through. But when I continued reading it didn’t make a lot of sense anymore to me, it seemed to be wrong or something. I remember going back to her to let her know that I was 16 and I thought she might have mixed up my age.
The interesting part here is that I kept that letter with the tarot interpretation and left it for a few years before I accidentally saw it again after I was over 20. I was amazed and shocked at the same time. Those things, she had described happening around the age of 16-20, they had all come true, in one way or another.
One could argue that it was all in my sub-conscious but it only works for an extent, not the whole list of things. There were people I had met, people who’d hurt me and my mental state of mind – all of the things that I had no real control over (not that I was aware at least). I found it truly interesting that sometimes fate decides the path, if you only let it and you just keep moving forward.
The amount of times I have listened to this song is crazy, but I can’t seem to get enough of it. The song is almost starting to be a part of describing one side of me, which is a very reflecting and meditative side. I have always loved peacefulness and meditation, this song encapsules all of it in beautiful lyrics and tune. It tells me to listen inwards and start listening to yourself, breathing an extra deep breathe each beat and relax. But it also brings forward so many emotions, they’re all in a swirl trying to find their way in my body – to calm down. I am a very hypersensitive person, which means that I get affected super easily by other people, energies, emotions etc. and it’s really difficult to turn that off. Therefore I feel that these moments when I can tune in and relax while listening to myself is necessary for me to find peace. Otherwise the emotions are beating louder and louder and it’s hard to function.
If there is one song I want to be remembered by, it’s this song. Secluded Spaces by VNV Nation. It tells an amazing story, if you listen carefully – to yourself. <3
What music defines your personality and your soul? What would you want others to remembers you by? What is the tune of your self?
Peace & Love,